I have a question for you. What do you think about when you think Satanist flea market? Is it scary? Does it involve bizarre rituals celebrating eldritch gods with goat sacrifice and pentagrams? Does it involve a scenario where a hooded figure beckons you in with a single gnarled finger, handing you a free entrance ticket, before saying ‘don’t worry you have already paid for this, more than you will ever know’ and pulling a wonky, spiteful smile revealing their cracked, black teeth?

Well, that’s very specific, but you would be wrong. It was actually a nice, friendly, and as far as Satanists go, wholesome day out. Don’t get me wrong, I was as nervous as any sane, god-fearing journalist would be entering the belly of the beast (which, disappointingly, just turned out to be an impressive venue in Angel called Electrowerkz rather than a hellish underground dungeon).

 

I will admit I was genuinely daunted at first all jokes aside. I’m maybe not as naive as I may sound when it comes to the occult and Satanism – I knew for instance – that actual, practising Satanists tended to get a bit of a bad wrap from, well, most people. But even with this understanding, it was still intimidating to see goths head to foot in black, coated in symbols, ornaments, and trinkets walking inside – I’m not going to lie, I felt a little underdressed.

 
I was a little nervous at first
I was a little nervous at first

The outside didn’t really do much to settle my nerves. With the daytime event hosted in a nightclub, the windowless passageways and dance halls really did give off a bit of an eerie vibe at first and the entrance was no exception, forcing you to walk from a bright street, warm with Sunday sun into a dark, bare hallway.

 
Not sure I want Satan to tell me my future
Not sure I want Satan to tell me my future

Along the passage I felt like I was cleansing my soul for the horror to come, forgetting the delights of the outside world. Perhaps I would never see the sun again (I thought, like the biggest prima donna in history) but I immediately saw the sun again when I walked down the dimly lit corridor and pushed on through into a large central courtyard.

 

This place acted as the central bar area and was legitimately my favourite part of the whole building. When I arrived it was filled with all sorts of colourful, or should I say, not very colourful characters.

 
The only sunlight you will find but it is a pretty nice area
The only sunlight you will find but it is a pretty nice area

As well as goths, punks and emos there were a lot of ‘normal’ people i.e not necessarily the kind of people you would expect to jump at the chance to attend a Satanist flea market. I’m not going to pretend like there were children running around with goat heads or that Her Majesty the Queen had popped around to take a look at the bondage gear, but there were definitely less gothy people who were just there to have a gander at what was on offer.

The market was split over four floors all with their unique flavour of what I will describe as amusingly offputting. There were the aforementioned bondage gear stalls, with the merchant behind the stall proudly demonstrating his wares by, well, wearing them.

 
Eldritch gods of unspeakable horror that you can pop on the wall at home
Eldritch gods of unspeakable horror that you can pop on the wall at home

There was the fun but offputting cartoon sections which both disturbed and delighted in equal measure, offering visitors the chance to pick up some pretty impressive wall art that would give your overly religious aunt a heart attack. There were diadems and facemasks, flags with the pentagram, jewellery, embroidery, graphic comic books, tongue-in-cheek posters, and what I can only describe as bone art.

 
Bone art
Bone art

What do I mean by this – it was art made out of bones. I asked one person who looked a little less Satanic, why they had come and they told me they had come on a whim and because they liked the look of the stuff. One woman described it as a ‘dark Etsy marketplace’.

It was all very good-natured as well. One man selling cards joked that one of his items, a greetings card with ‘Hail Satan’ written across it in gold letters, would be “perfect for mother’s day”. Satanists know exactly what they are doing, and I for one, love it.

 
There was some less satanic items on offer as well
There was some less satanic items on offer as well

Hidden beneath the thin veneer of black, scary, mysticism is a group of people who are really rather accepting and self-aware. I got chatting to one of the stall owners, who also happens to be part of an organisation called the Global Order of Satan.

Cyrus told me that their organisation didn’t actually believe in Satan or God and was nontheistic. They were a progressive group whose membership was made up of 40per cent queer people. It has penned open letters against homophobic political parties in Poland, organised rallies against far-right Christians in America and generally seemed like friendly guys.

Personally, my favourite moment of the encounter was when Cyrus pointed to a flag behind him and explained that it was the banner of Queer Satanic anti-fascists – quite a mouthful, one that would choke many a Trump supporter. Maybe I had got these guys all wrong I thought to myself, or maybe that’s what they want me to think the Catholic part of my brain retorted quickly.

 
The flag of the queer satanic anti-fascists
The flag of the queer satanic anti-fascists

I thought it was probably best to leave after that, can’t fall to the side of Satan on the job, that would be very unprofessional.

Overall the flea market was fun, interesting and surprisingly friendly. It is a place you can definitely enjoy without having to engage in devil worship but it only happens four times a year, with the Anti-Christmas market being the most popular.

 

So if you want to shock or upset a conservative family member this Christmas, be sure to get them down to Electrowerkz in Angel – I guarantee they won’t speak to you for the whole of Boxing Day.

FEATURE ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN MYLONDON 3RD JULY 2022